Positive: One Year Later

December 7, 2016

Ben and I went to see the movie Elf in Falls Park, but once we were leaving, I told Ben that I thought I might be pregnant. I took a home test and it turned out positive. I was shocked and could hear my mom saying, “there are false negatives but no false positives.” I told Ben that I was pregnant and we both started crying. We didn’t know what we were going to do. I made an appointment at Piedmont Women’s Center for that Friday, December 9. 

December 9, 2016

I showed up to the center shaky and nervous. After I filled out paper work and left a sample, I sat in a counseling room for what felt like forever. Ben was out in the car waiting for me, and I just stared at the dozens of pamphlets ijn front of me. Adoption, abortion, pregnancy resources, how to become a Christian. I was overwhelmed with assumptions and information being thrown at me. After some intense counseling from a woman that went through post-abortion counseling, I was ready to get my results. I knew that the results were going to be positive, but I was still hoping for a chance to be negative. The woman came back in with a white paper bag filled with papers, a baby blanket, and a hat. I started crying all over again, filled out a survey and went outside. 

After I told Ben, he just hugged me and told me we would figure it out. I called my mom and told her what was happening, and waited for her to get home so we could talk. I won’t go into the details of the conversation, but it helped me a lot. My parents were very supportive and made sure I knew I would be ok.

The following weeks
I started working at Sally Beauty the next day, December 10. Ben and I got married after planning a wedding in two weeks. I transferred from North Greenville to Grand Canyon University, and we just went on with our lives making adjustments as necessary to prepare for our little one on the way.

December 9, 2017

Today is a typical Saturday. Robert and I are at my mom’s house. We are getting ready for his first Christmas, playing, changing diapers, and making bottles. Last year, I was filled with anxiety and fear, but now I am filled with love and joy. Every time I look at my little boy, I can’t believe that for a short while, I didn’t even want to be a mom. I love being a mom. I love being his mom. 

I have spent my whole life learning that my actions have consequences and that God gives us everything we need. Last year, I was scared and felt completely unprepared. I still feel unprepared, but I’m not scared. I know that we will be okay. I am married to an amazing man, and have the sweetest baby boy ever. We live in a cute little house and have the greatest support system. I wouldn’t want anything to be different. 

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It’s August

Breathe in. Breathe out.

It’s August.

This is the month of my due date. If he comes on time, baby Robert Winchester Baker will be here in ten days.

To recognize the last ten days (hopefully), here are ten facts about my pregnancy:

I found out I was pregnant in December at the Piedmont Women’s Center. The ladies there were incredible and treated me like I was their daughter, sister, granddaughter, etc. The women I met that day and at my follow up appointment really encouraged me and started this pregnancy off with joy only God could give.

I craved cheeseburgers. I could not get enough of them. I could have one for lunch and immediately be thinking about having one for dinner. This was definitely my main craving the entire time.

The first thing I bought for Robert was a teddy bear. I got the bear while I was at the Biltmore in North Carolina. These organic bears are made in California by Bears for Humanity. This organization donates a bear to a child in need for every bear that is purchased.

I didn’t want to know what the baby’s gender was, but the closer I got to finding out, the more I wanted to know. I also just wanted to buy clothes and literally everything I saw for the baby…and to stop referring to my baby as “it.”

I dyed my hair blue to reveal the gender, and Ben had a blue glitter beard. Staying blindfolded during this process was so difficult but so worth the reveal.

The first person I told was my mom. She gave me her copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She also dug out a bunch of my baby blankets and clothes.

The first thing I did was make a Pinterest board to store all my ideas and mom blogs. Some of those mom blogs are just glorified pregnancy horror stories and should be avoided, but most of them are amazing resources.

I lived in maternity leggings. I am not ready to let these things go. Also, active wear was the best until the bump got too big.

The second trimester really is the “honeymoon trimester.” What a tease. The third trimester comes around and you remember how tired and gross you felt during the first, plus being kicked. But at this point you’re just so ready to meet your baby that it isn’t actually that bad. It’s all about perspective.

I have actually loved being pregnant, even though sometimes I’m tired of being pregnant. This journey has been so beautiful. While sometimes I was moody or in pain or tired or just didn’t know what I was feeling or wanting, being pregnant has taught me a lot. I have learned about myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I have learned about Ben and he has learned about me.

I have also learned to trust God with everything, including my physical well being. It’s easy to believe that God can protect me spiritually, but physically is a little harder. Pregnancy has shown me that God created women to do this and that it is a natural thing.

Robert,

You are going to be here so soon, and we are so excited to meet you!

Mom and Dad

 

 

 

 

 

The blame game: time to call it quits

Hey guys! This one is going to be heavy and personal, but I need to get it out, so bear with me.

Everyone knows the story of Adam and Eve. The first two humans on this planet. The first sinners. The ones that “messed up the world for the rest of us,” as if one of us wouldn’t have sooner or later. Adam and Eve ate the fruit that God said not to eat, realized they royally screwed up, and hid from God.

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis 3:7

What if Adam didn’t hide with Eve? What if he blamed her forever?

Granted, Adam did blame Eve as soon as God asked them why they were hiding, but that’s not the point. Adam didn’t run away from Eve. Adam lived the rest of his life (930 years) with her. That’s a long time to be alive, and I can only imagine how much longer it would feel if you were spending it angry, bitter, and blaming your wife for the decision you both made. The Bible doesn’t give us much else on the story of Adam and Eve after “the fall” but I think it’s safe to say, while Adam was probably ticked at Eve, he didn’t blame her forever.

How often do we live our lives angry, bitter, and blaming someone else for a decision we made?

How often do I?

Well, to be honest, I have been. For a few months now.

Let me make this clear, my pregnancy is not a mistake. I didn’t plan to be pregnant halfway through college at the age of 20, but God knew this was going to happen. This was part of God’s plan for my life, so there is no way that this pregnancy or this sweet baby boy is a mistake.

However, I haven’t been the happiest about it every moment of the past five months, and my natural response has been to blame my husband for all of it. I have been blaming him for all of my pain, moodiness, sadness, anger, stress, sleeplessness, and ultimately this situation since the moment I found out.

I don’t need to go into how making a baby works, but it obviously takes two people. It has been extremely unfair of me to put all of this on him, but he has been so patient with me through all of it.

The obvious “Sunday School” solution is to forgive my husband and move forward in God’s grace. That is a lot easier said than done. Go figure. I know that this is not my husband’s fault. I know that I need to forgive him. I know that I need to accept that God has forgiven both of us. I know that I need to move forward and be thankful and be at peace in God’s plan.

Now it’s just the matter of doing all of these things. And all I can do is pray that God changes my heart to be the wife and mom that He has called me to be.

This Mother’s Day, my pastor taught on the Proverbs 31 woman. I am not going to get into all the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman, but she is not angry, bitter, or blaming someone else for her poor decisions.

And neither will I.

What to do when you get life changing news

Life doesn’t always go as planned, that’s a given, but sometimes you get news that changes your life forever.

Here’s what to do when that happens. (aka what I did when I found out I was pregnant)

Let yourself freak out or cry or celebrate. Your life is changing and you need to process how that is making you feel. Be shocked, sad, angry, excited. Processing is the most important thing to do when your life is being changed.

Call your mom or your main support person. You’re going to want to talk about all the big changes that are happening and have somebody give you advice or celebrate with you. Having someone that has gone through the same thing helps you put things into perspective and make it all a little less scary.

Make a plan. Figure out everything you need to do to be as prepared as possible. Make shopping lists, to-do lists, and start saving money. Research EVERYTHING so you don’t get hit with more surprises. Be prepared for things to not go the way you planned (duh), but having a well thought out plan will help you feel like everything will be ok (which it will).

Rest your mind, body, and soul. Let yourself breathe. It is important to get ready for all of life’s big changes, but you need to take care of yourself in the process. Pamper yourself or just give yourself a break. Do whatever you need to do to be well rested and in the best mental, physical, and emotional condition you can be in.

Pray. Although this may be surprising news to you, God knew this was going to happen and He’s got you. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 1:9, “this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” He said this to the people in Corinth when they were facing great pressure and despair and felt like they had been given the death sentence. You are loved and held together by an all-knowing God, so rest in knowing that nothing surprises Him, even when you feel like your life will never be the same.

 

I hope these tips help you when you get life changing news. When I found out I was pregnant, I had no clue what to do, and this is just what happened. I freaked out, called my mom, made a plan, took some days to rest, and prayed. A lot.

What works for you when you get life changing news?