The blame game: time to call it quits

Hey guys! This one is going to be heavy and personal, but I need to get it out, so bear with me.

Everyone knows the story of Adam and Eve. The first two humans on this planet. The first sinners. The ones that “messed up the world for the rest of us,” as if one of us wouldn’t have sooner or later. Adam and Eve ate the fruit that God said not to eat, realized they royally screwed up, and hid from God.

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis 3:7

What if Adam didn’t hide with Eve? What if he blamed her forever?

Granted, Adam did blame Eve as soon as God asked them why they were hiding, but that’s not the point. Adam didn’t run away from Eve. Adam lived the rest of his life (930 years) with her. That’s a long time to be alive, and I can only imagine how much longer it would feel if you were spending it angry, bitter, and blaming your wife for the decision you both made. The Bible doesn’t give us much else on the story of Adam and Eve after “the fall” but I think it’s safe to say, while Adam was probably ticked at Eve, he didn’t blame her forever.

How often do we live our lives angry, bitter, and blaming someone else for a decision we made?

How often do I?

Well, to be honest, I have been. For a few months now.

Let me make this clear, my pregnancy is not a mistake. I didn’t plan to be pregnant halfway through college at the age of 20, but God knew this was going to happen. This was part of God’s plan for my life, so there is no way that this pregnancy or this sweet baby boy is a mistake.

However, I haven’t been the happiest about it every moment of the past five months, and my natural response has been to blame my husband for all of it. I have been blaming him for all of my pain, moodiness, sadness, anger, stress, sleeplessness, and ultimately this situation since the moment I found out.

I don’t need to go into how making a baby works, but it obviously takes two people. It has been extremely unfair of me to put all of this on him, but he has been so patient with me through all of it.

The obvious “Sunday School” solution is to forgive my husband and move forward in God’s grace. That is a lot easier said than done. Go figure. I know that this is not my husband’s fault. I know that I need to forgive him. I know that I need to accept that God has forgiven both of us. I know that I need to move forward and be thankful and be at peace in God’s plan.

Now it’s just the matter of doing all of these things. And all I can do is pray that God changes my heart to be the wife and mom that He has called me to be.

This Mother’s Day, my pastor taught on the Proverbs 31 woman. I am not going to get into all the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman, but she is not angry, bitter, or blaming someone else for her poor decisions.

And neither will I.

What to do when you get life changing news

Life doesn’t always go as planned, that’s a given, but sometimes you get news that changes your life forever.

Here’s what to do when that happens. (aka what I did when I found out I was pregnant)

Let yourself freak out or cry or celebrate. Your life is changing and you need to process how that is making you feel. Be shocked, sad, angry, excited. Processing is the most important thing to do when your life is being changed.

Call your mom or your main support person. You’re going to want to talk about all the big changes that are happening and have somebody give you advice or celebrate with you. Having someone that has gone through the same thing helps you put things into perspective and make it all a little less scary.

Make a plan. Figure out everything you need to do to be as prepared as possible. Make shopping lists, to-do lists, and start saving money. Research EVERYTHING so you don’t get hit with more surprises. Be prepared for things to not go the way you planned (duh), but having a well thought out plan will help you feel like everything will be ok (which it will).

Rest your mind, body, and soul. Let yourself breathe. It is important to get ready for all of life’s big changes, but you need to take care of yourself in the process. Pamper yourself or just give yourself a break. Do whatever you need to do to be well rested and in the best mental, physical, and emotional condition you can be in.

Pray. Although this may be surprising news to you, God knew this was going to happen and He’s got you. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 1:9, “this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” He said this to the people in Corinth when they were facing great pressure and despair and felt like they had been given the death sentence. You are loved and held together by an all-knowing God, so rest in knowing that nothing surprises Him, even when you feel like your life will never be the same.

 

I hope these tips help you when you get life changing news. When I found out I was pregnant, I had no clue what to do, and this is just what happened. I freaked out, called my mom, made a plan, took some days to rest, and prayed. A lot.

What works for you when you get life changing news?